and so it is.. just like you said it would be

kayla_creighton @ 2008-02-05T15:19:00

2008-02-05T20:21:35Z

it's a new day.. i need to turn my life around.

kayla_creighton @ 2007-08-24T14:57:00

2007-08-24T19:01:05Z

"it's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. you know what, you can actually see old lobster couples walkin' around their tank, ya know, holding claws.."- friends. season 2;14.

:]

i got my lobda

kayla_creighton @ 2007-08-16T12:58:00

2007-08-16T16:59:12Z

..annnnnd im as happy as can be!

kayla_creighton @ 2007-05-10T09:58:00

2007-05-10T14:01:07Z

one more thing to do here tomorrow, then i'll be home for the summer :) being done is such a great feeling..

kayla_creighton @ 2007-04-13T14:27:00

2007-04-13T18:28:41Z

im as good as im ever gonna be.. take it or leave it.

st. pattys day in boston!

2007-03-18T19:26:41Z

so good.

2007-03-15T03:52:38Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfilLgPB5Sk

vacation!

2007-03-05T15:55:09Z

so pat is stinky. im at the boat with him and he smells like poop. im happy. really happy.

kayla_creighton @ 2007-02-15T19:09:00

2007-02-16T00:10:16Z

i need to get out of here.

kayla_creighton @ 2007-02-04T01:53:00

2007-02-04T06:57:36Z

friendships are not supposed to be work.

HAHAHAHAH

2007-01-24T06:14:09Z

maybe i just need a beer.

kayla_creighton @ 2007-01-09T02:18:00

2007-01-09T07:18:12Z

2007 has been good so far.

kayla_creighton @ 2006-12-06T19:25:00

2006-12-07T01:25:43Z

I only have 7 more days of classes until Christmas Break; I can't believe it. I can't wait to find out how I did in all of my courses.. The semester flew by! I'm hoping I am half as lucky next semester. I'm feeling hopeful.. I'm ready for a break.

I want a Christmas tree.

kayla_creighton @ 2006-12-02T14:36:00

2006-12-02T19:36:31Z

Life is ridiculous.

kayla_creighton @ 2006-11-27T00:23:00

2006-11-27T05:23:45Z

I want to go somewhere warm.
I want to go on a ferris wheel & drink champagne.

These next two weeks need to pass quickly.

To my friends

2006-11-24T15:18:01Z

If I say I love you & want to be there for you- I promise I do.

kayla_creighton @ 2006-11-24T00:43:00

2006-11-24T05:43:51Z

Life; It's good & it's bad all at the same time.

Life is a roller-coaster. I am feeling a bigger variety of emotions right now than I ever have in my life. I have never been able to say (and mean) that my life really is so awesome & so horrendous all at the same time. I am finally where I have been telling myself I need to be- I am in Boston @ school doing exactly what I want to do. I have been working hard & doing well. I have met people & on the surface it seems I shouldn't be asking for much more- but somehow I am. It's not one of those "me not being satisfied" moments, but more of a "I know there is more.." moments.

When looking at my life as a whole, I feel I should feel much more confident & at ease with everything- but for some reason that just isn’t the case. For a long time I thought that I shouldn't be feeling like this, & have pushed it aside, but the more I push, the more clear it becomes. Something is missing. I am not talking about something I will be able to find in someone else.. it's something in me, something I need to find & figure out on my own.

For a long time now I have looked to other people for happiness. I have been looking for recognition & validation- but no matter what, it's never been enough. This whole time I was under the impression that it was everyone else. No one could make me feel loved, no one could make me feel valued, no one could make me feel appreciated. I am just now realizing that part of the reason I have been feeling this way is because I haven’t been loving, valuing or appreciating myself. People have said to me that in order to truly be happy with anyone else, I need to accept things and be happy with myself. & although I have been hearing it for quite some time, I am just now beginning to believe it.

Sometimes I don't give myself enough credit, & I look to others when making decisions in my life. So far, one semester into college, I think I have proven to myself that I am a capable person, able to think and make decisions that will do nothing but benefit myself.

It’s an uphill battle, but I am more ready than ever to make a change. In order to be where I need to be in my life I need to make some changes and work for it. Things won’t always fall into place, and sitting here hoping they will, WILL NOT do a thing. In order for things to change, I must change myself & my approach first.

let things go and move forward.

2006-11-24T04:10:54Z

so this is it, hopefully the last journal.. things are changing, and i feel the only way to start over is to let the past go..